U.S. declares national state of emergency as it runs out of countries to ally with

A national state of emergency has been declared in the United States after a government ordered inquiry failed to produce a single country viable to receive ally status. "The only countries remaining are our enemies!" lamented one visibly distressed representative to a reporter from the Leading Institute of Global Media Administration.

During a presidential video conference held shortly after the report dropped, a reporter asked whether the ambition to ally as many countries as possible in any way contradicts the expressed wish to avoid another world war. No clear response was given to the question, and the president claimed to be "going through a tunnel" before making noises some experts believe to have been an attempt to imitate the sound of phone static, and abruptly ending the conference call.

The U.S. is a key founding member of the “G3,” an alliance that began as a small, tight-knit group of three countries. However, as the coalition expanded, the name quickly became a source of embarrassment. “We didn’t really think this through,” admitted one U.S. representative. “When it was just the three of us, it made sense. Now it just feels like we can’t count.” With the alliance swelling to include dozens of nations, some are advocating for a rebrand. “We were thinking G-Never-Ending or maybe G-Too-Many,” said a Portuguese diplomat, though sources claim the name "G-Really" is also being considered.

The struggle to find more countries to add to the ever growing list of alliances hasn't only been felt by the United States. Slovenia, in a daring move, has begun experimenting with sending alliance proposals directly to their enemies. "The method has yet to be successful", a Slovenian minister admitted, "but since we've already allied our former enemies, we're running out of ideas." After asking for clarification on how such an arrangement would work, the Leading Institute of Global Media Administration received no further response.

As the world once again devolves into a small set of globe-spanning alliances, it remains to be seen how the proclaimed ambitions to avoid world war will be realized.

The Leading Institute of Global Media Administration - Eclesiars most trusted news organization

Comments (19)

Darman :)))

Vote

17-12-2024 1 Votes

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Perceval USA USA USA!

16-12-2024 0 Votes

Tyanata Ty for the laugh! Another great article! :)

15-12-2024 1 Votes

Jeppe1 This article is lit

14-12-2024 2 Votes

Jeppe1 Wow great

Jeppe1 Great fucking shit

Boikov Quite fun read :D

14-12-2024 1 Votes

Senhor Boda Lol, nice.

Gytka Haha golden article :D

Bernhardt33 Nice article!

Nashura Haha another masterpiece from the institute

Deleted LoL

Vlad Who are the current G3 member nations even?

14-12-2024 0 Votes

WolfStark I think there was miscommunication while the president was in the tunnel, he might have said G thirty instead of G three but the press director heard wrong

14-12-2024 8 Votes

+3 more

petros was here until day 115 Hahahaha

PoIand issou

Jajan1 Amazing read ?

Barbarbengt Lol great stuff

Ephy G300? This! Is! America!

The Leading Institute of Global Media Administration

U.S. declares national state of emergency as it runs out of countries to ally with

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